I
was living in NYC, the lead singer of a band, married, with a cozy apartment
and an awesome dog. I was bartending in Times Square making great money, had
great friends, and any day just knew something good, something big was going to
happen. I was living my dreams. Life was right on track, but deep down I knew
something wasn’t quite right. I knew I was miserable.
The
city was noisy, and so was my mind.
I couldn’t find any focus. I longed for some direction, some light to be
shed on the darkness I felt around me.
It was no longer an acceptable life. I was sad a lot, and started putting on weight. I wanted so much for the passion I used
to have for performing to come back.
I’d lost my drive, my desire, and wasn’t sure how to recapture it. Where was the path in life I thought I
was following? There I was, a college grad, following my dreams – I was saying
“Yes, and?” to life – so why was I feeling so lost? Why did I feel so trapped
and alone?
As
many freelancers and people in the professional arts may experience, I had no
health insurance to cover the expense of going to a therapist, nor did I have
any real interest in talking to a stranger about my life. I knew figuring this one out was
something I had to do for myself. A college pal suggested that I try yoga,
saying, “You are very bendy and like that hippy kind of stuff, maybe it’ll help
you?” A new studio had just opened close to where I lived, so I decided, “why
not?” I might not have the
$150/hour to pay for a therapist, but I certainly could invest in myself. So, I bought a class card and signed up
for yoga.
It
all seemed overwhelming at first.
So many choices and styles of classes, so many words I didn’t really
understand. How do I decide what to try? It seemed that the hot yoga classes
fit easily into my schedule. It was beginner friendly and I heard it helped you
lose weight, too—bonus! 90 minutes in a super hot and humid room was
intimidating, but I made a commitment to myself to try it at least once a week
until that class card ran out. I
drew inspiration from my brother, an Air Force MP who was in Saudi Arabia at
that time. If he could be in the
desert for a year in all of that gear, than I can surely throw on some stretch pants
and a tank top and make it through each class. Water bottle, mat, and towel in hand, I was ready for my
first class.
The
theory behind yoga has always intrigued me. I had read, “Yoga quiets the mind from the swirls of consciousness,”
and the explanation of the hot yoga class sounded do-able—a series of 26 held
poses, each one done twice. OK, lets go! Only 10 minutes into that first class,
though, I wondered what I had gotten myself into. I was already breathing harder and sweating more than I ever
had, and I was just standing there stretching! Where was the serenity, the
calm? However, I was determined to keep practicing and give myself time.
Gradually
I was learning a new way to breathe, finding the connection between my body and
mind through my breath. This new focus taught me how to shut down the negative voices
in my head, the persistent “I can’t” “I shouldn’t” “I’m scared” “why?” I was starting to remember who I was, and
what I wanted out of life. I became hooked. I was a hot yoga junkie, and my
transformation had started--the new me was in the making.
I
started taking classes once a week, then three, four, five times--sometimes
even twice a day. This was what I
was looking for. The passion was back! Suddenly it dawned on me that my performance
career, my marriage, my day job, all things I had thought were supposed to make
me happy, actually weren’t. Through my practice, I discovered I had my own
strength and light, that I was responsible for my own happiness. I was ready for some major changes.
My
yoga practice had helped keep me in touch with the truth and love I needed to
have from myself, so I kept hitting the mat, going to class. Through this practice, I found the
strength to end my marriage. It was difficult, but I am convinced I never would
have been able to do it without the insight and clarity yoga brought to my
life. I felt my hot yoga practice
had changed my life enough that I needed to share this secret with others. I wanted to teach, but I wasn’t sure if
I was “good enough.” I remember
the scene in the locker room talking to my teacher Anna. She simply asked me, “What does it mean
to be good at yoga? Are you honest with yourself on the mat? Dedicated to the
practice? Inspired to teach? Than
you should start teaching.” That conversation
changed my life. I looked into a
few different training programs, and after some more time on my mat and
discussions with my teachers, I opted to train in Barkan Method Hot Yoga. The
teachers were honest and real, teaching this butt-kickin’ work out but from a
completely non-competitive, non-judgmental, non-threatening way. The answer for me became clear, and in
Dec 2010 I was certified to teach hot yoga.
The
benefits of hot yoga are remarkable.
My practice first helped me transform my mind. We live in a fast and loud world – a lot of confusion, anger,
and judgment get thrown around. We
are all squeezed financially, and sometimes the stress transforms our bodies
and minds into this ball of darkness and confusion. Its easy to let ourselves fall into the trap of the victim
mentality, “Why me? Why now? How will I ever?” Hot yoga helped show me that no one could change me but
me. I learned to move on from anger
that I had held onto from my failed past relationships, I learned to deal with
the anxiety and sadness I felt about having my baby brother overseas, and even came
to terms with the issues of self doubt that I had experienced my entire adult
life. I forgave myself for the roadblocks
I put up for myself. My unhealthy mindset had taken its toll on me, and now I
was finding freedom, forward motion, and feeling terrific. Physically I was looking better
and better. I found an
understanding about the way my muscles worked within my body, and how deeply
the mind and body are connected. I
also started to understand that I was connected to something greater than
myself – I felt the collective energy of the universe behind me. The new Me was on a new path, basking
in the light and love of hot yoga.
To
quote J.D. Glossinger, one of my favorite inspirational speakers, “If you can’t
figure out your purpose, find your passion. Your passion will lead you to your purpose.” My hot yoga practice helped me find
myself, find my center, my truth, my light, my love, my passion, and my
purpose. It also allowed me to
love and trust myself enough to be open to anything and everything.
After
sorting out my head and heart, I was ready to start moving on with my life. I
realized NYC was not the place I wanted to be. I longed for warmer winters,
more sunshine, the ocean. I kept hitting my mat, dreaming of my beach, and I
started visualizing myself in love again, with a family surrounding me. I
started creating again, writing music, playing more guitar, going back to
things that made me organically happy.
I was open to life again, and life answered.
One
day on facebook, I received a message from a guy I went to high school with in
Michigan who now lives in South Carolina. We had been friends, but not super
close. Well, emails turned into phone calls, and then into Skype, and
eventually we met in person. A year and a half of getting to know each other
again, and trips back and forth from NYC to SC, I finally know where I
belong. My passion helped me find
my purpose, and it is here. I am getting adjusted to life in the South, sharing
my story, and teaching hot yoga in Summerville, South Carolina.
The
new me was not easy to find – it took discipline, and a little hard work, but
the rewards are remarkable. For me,
it was my commitment to hot yoga, and the decision to love myself enough to try
something new. My practice opened
my heart and mind to the possibility that as we train our bodies physically, we
can also transform our hearts and minds.
There
is an amazing connection that is waiting to be found. Connection to your truth,
your happiness, your path in life is waiting for you to discover. Dig deep, and know it can get scary to
start over or recreate a new and improved version of you. Trust yourself, be brave, try something
new, and try hot yoga! I know how much it changed my life. My proof is in my practice – I know for
sure the benefits to be true because I have experienced it first hand.
Trust
yourself, find yourself, love yourself…..Try Yoga!
Kristín Cotton is our resident Hot Yoga instructor at Summerville Yoga and Wellness - For more information on her classes check out Lowcountry Yoga on Facebook or email her at kristin@summervilleyoga.com
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